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Jan 21, 2019: You'd jump through hoops to right your financial mess and your commitment isn't the issue. It's what you have to do that is ambiguous. Although it seems like you are stuck in a maze of penalties and fees, you will soon find your way to the hidden exit. Until then, endure the bewildered feeling.
Jan 22, 2019: Dreams can be quite valuable. They help push you forward. But getting too lost in the haze is counterproductive, and that's just what you are doing. You're using fantasies of success as a kind of drug. Shake off those delusions and keep your thoughts firmly in reality.
Jan 20, 2019: You want to do something for yourself, and you can. Being over-the-top is fine as long as you don't spend much money doing it. Start with being generous with your own attention. When is the last time you really thought about how you felt or what you wanted? Make your own needs your priority.